Let’s just say that you and your friends have enjoyed a weekend that beats anything depicted in The Hangover series of movies. But no one (hopefully) accidentally kidnaps a crime boss and puts them naked in the trunk of a car! You are feeling a bit rough but happy until you hear the dreaded news: Your boss announces that there will be a drug screening for all employees tomorrow.
It is a Doomsday situation if you have spent the weekend outdoing Howard Marks in the marijuana consumption stakes. As you know, it can take days, or even weeks, for THC metabolites to leave your system, even if you are a mild to moderate user. Realistically, the only way you can beat the test is to cheat.
Brands such as Serious Monkey Bizzness exist to help casual drug users squeeze past drug screenings and hang on to their respective jobs by the skin of their teeth.
The name of the brand is spelled Serious Monkey Business at different points in the official site; I will use both versions in this review. It may seem silly, but there is no monkey business when it comes to their products. Serious Monkey Business sells synthetic urine, which could be enough to save the day.
Please bear in mind that you are only likely to get away with a Serious Monkey kit if it is an unsupervised drug screening. Good luck trying to put fake pee into a container when someone is hovering over you! In this detailed review, I will go through all four Serious Monkey Business products and discuss whether they can help you pass a drug screening.
What is Serious Monkey Business, and How Can It Help You?
While some employers have sensibly announced that they will no longer discriminate against employees or applicants who test positive for marijuana in a drug screening, such trailblazers are few and far between. The continued draconian drug testing policy employed by the majority of companies is causing some serious issues in certain sectors.
In the manufacturing industry, for example, up to 25% of individuals fail a drug screening, thus disqualifying them from a job. For example, at Warren Fabricating & Machining in the town of Hubbard, Ohio, a startling 40% of applicants fail a drug screening! The vast majority of drug screenings involve testing urine, and there are hundreds of brands that claim they can beat a pee test.
Serious Monkey Bizzness is one such organization, and it sells products, fake urine to be precise, that could help you beat a drug screening. However, Serious Monkey Business’ fake urine is NOT guaranteed to work.
In fact, the brand explicitly states that it “only sells novelty products” and “if you are here to beat a drug test, leave now!” It is wise for the brand to issue this disclaimer to shield it from liability. In other words, use at your own risk. There is serious monkey business at play here, but if it doesn’t do the job, you could find yourself unemployed.
If you are happy to proceed, you can avail of Serious Monkey Bizzness promo codes online which can save you 10% to 15% off the purchase price.
How Does Serious Monkey Business Work?
Once you have purchased a Serious Monkey Business product, the next step is passing a urine test. Remember, Monkey Business fake urine is NOT guaranteed to work, although users report a relatively high pass rate. No matter which one of the four Monkey Business drug testing items you purchase, the process of getting the urine ready remains the same. Here is how to use Monkey Whizz, for example:
Heat up the fake urine. If you have used more than one synthetic pee brand, you’ll know that there are numerous methods of heating the sample. In the case of Serious Monkey Bizzness, you need to use a heating pad; you can buy these separately for $2.50 a piece. It is possible to use a microwave, but this risks overheating the sample. Besides, the brand explicitly states NOT to microwave the pee!
For the record, it needs to be in the 90 to 100-degree Fahrenheit range. You will eventually need to hold the fake pee against your body to ensure the temperature reaches the right range.
Strap on the Serious Monkey Business fake urine container, take a deep breath and go to the testing center. Ideally, you will wear the container for at least an hour before the test. Not only will this help get you to the ideal temperature, but it also ensures you enjoy a comfortable fit.
Perform a final temperature check. If it isn’t high enough, you need to hold it close to the body. If it is too warm, you need to wait for it to cool down. Either way, you should have a plan to stall for time if necessary.
If it is an unsupervised test; great! Just go behind the screen and submit the sample. If you are supervised, it becomes a lot trickier. You will need to subtly add the synthetic urine without being spotted. Some users practice this subterfuge before taking the test.
Why Should You Use Serious Monkey Bizzness?
If you need fake urine to pass a drug test, the Serious Monkey Business drug testing kit is a simple method of doing so. Please bear in mind that the Monkey Bizzness range of products is specifically designed for a urine drug test. As far as marijuana users are concerned, passing a urine test involves fooling it into believing you don’t have THC-COOH (metabolites) in your system.
There is an enormous array of detox kits on the market to help you achieve this purpose. They involve drinks which include various concoctions said to help fool a urine drug screening. However, detox drinks are generally very hit and miss. Using fake pee for a drug test has a higher success rate IF the synthetic urine in question makes a passable impression of human pee.
Serious Monkey Business is a viable option if you need something to pass a drug screening quickly, don’t want to risk detox drinks, and are likely to be unsupervised. You will need balls of steel to pass a supervised screening with fake urine!
Serious Monkey Business Highlights
If you go through the reviews of Monkey Business, you will find a significant number of satisfied customers. While Serious Monkey Business doesn’t make any promises, it appears to deliver. Here are a few highlights of Serious Monkey Business and its fake urine:
- There are products to suit all budgets from $15 to $99.95.
- All of the brand’s stuff is easy to use with clear instructions.
- You can avail of overnight shipping if you are in dire need because of a next-day drug test.
- The website is secure, and Serious Monkey Business does NOT store any of your personal information.
- You are billed and shipped discreetly, which means the brand name or items don’t show up on credit card statements or shipping labels.
- The urine contains the same ingredients as what you would find in organic human piss. This means it is the right color, contains the proper uric acid, level of foaming, creatinine, and pH.
- It mimics real urine so well that bacteria grow on it when the sample gets exposed to air.
- It offers unisex products so men and women can benefit. The brand claims the urine is so real that even your spouse won’t be able to tell the difference!
- There are heat pads available for just $2.50, which help bring the urine up to the right temperature.
- The Monkey Dong product is reusable.
- The urine doesn’t expire for 8-12 hours. This may seem to be a very short timeframe, but in reality, you will probably be ordering it at the last minute anyway.
Here Are the TOP Serious Monkey Business Products
If your monkey business at the weekend has put you in jeopardy, you have four Serious Monkey Business synthetic urine options to choose from.
According to the brand, the Monkey Dong is the best strap-on urinating device around. At $99.95, it seems expensive, but it is actually much cheaper than rival brands. For example, the Whizzinator retails for a price between $130 and $140. The Dong has a silent internal valve that controls the flow of piss with a simple squeeze of the device. Once you open the package, it is ready for use because it includes the following:
- Four heating pads
- A prosthetic penis
- Synthetic urine in powdered form
- An easy to read temperature strip
- A calibrated syringe for easy filling
- An elastic belt capable of fitting a 54-inch waist
There are even six natural colors to choose from; pick the one that best matches your skin tone. Although it is a ‘Dong,’ women can also use it; just place the Dong between your ass cheeks for it to remain unseen.
Once you open the pack, you need to do the following:
- Close the white exterior safety valve before you attempt to fill the bladder. Otherwise, you risk premature discharge, which will spell the end of your employment!
- Measure around 100ml of water into a cup using the syringe.
- Add a vial of the fake urine to the water and stir until the mixture is dissolved.
- Draw the pee into the syringe, and unscrew the cap on the Fill Port of the Bladder. Insert the tip of the syringe into the port and inject its contents into the Bladder.
- Peel the Velcro strips on the belt to unfasten the bladder.
- Apply one of the heating pads to the side opposite the temperature strip, and attach the bag to the belt via the Velcro straps.
- Strap on the belt with the strip; ensuring the strip touches the skin.
- Watch the strip and wait until the temperature of the pee is between 96 and 100 degrees ideally. This can take up to an hour.
- Open the safety valve before using, and squeeze the tip of the Dong when delivering the sample.
One of the main downsides with the Dong is that the syringe only holds 60ml. As a result, you’ll have to go through the filling process a couple of times. You have 12 hours to use the sample, or else it will start to grow bacteria. The heating pad lasts up to 8 hours and is designed not to burn you.
To speed up the process, use warm water when mixing the urine. DO NOT use boiling water or else your sample will have to cool down from a temperature of over 200 degrees! You can clean the Dong using a mixture of Hydrogen Peroxide and water (50/50 dose) or buy the Monkey Shine Cleaning Solution for $6.95. The valve is very secure and won’t leak. Finally, make sure you check the temperature strip right before you are due to provide the sample.
I believe Monkey Whizz is the brand’s most popular product. It costs $45.95 and includes 3.5 ounces of synthetic liquid urine along with an adjustable elastic belt. The pack also has two organic heating pads, a urine tube you can cut to a suitable length, a temperature strip and detailed instructions on how to use it.
One thing I noticed is that the urine is the same for all four Serious Monkey Business products. The main difference is the type of kit you receive. The Dong is ideal if you must undergo a supervised test, whereas the Whizz is best for an unsupervised test.
Once you have the kit, do the following:
- Open one of the heating pads and add it to the bag
- Fasten the belt around your waist with the tube pointing downwards.
- If the tube is excessively long, cut it. Just make sure you don’t cut it too short!
- Strap the bag against your skin to ensure the fake pee reaches the right temperature.
- Check the strip to ensure the pee is between 96 and 100 degrees, although you can get away with 94 degrees or even slightly less.
- Drain the fake urine into the cup via the urinator kit. Remember, you only need to provide about 2-3 ounces of pee.
The urine is the same as what you get with the Monkey Dong, so the same rules about usage and bacterial growth apply. Monkey Whizz is NOT reusable, and it is a BAD idea to microwave it. As long as the bag touches your skin for up to an hour, and you activate the heating pad properly, the pee should easily reach the correct temperature.
For $29.95, you would expect this kit to be a little less sophisticated than the other two. As the name suggests, the Monkey Flask is a flask containing around 3.5 ounces of fake piss. It is designed with a safety sealed flip-top cap and can be easily concealed. The kit includes a heating pad, temperature strip, and detailed instructions.
There isn’t much to report aside from the fact that you use the Flask in the same manner as the other kits. Use the heating pad to warm up the sample and store the flask close to your body. The urine is the same quality; you just need to squeeze it out from a different container. The Monkey Whizz is easier to use, which probably explains why it is more expensive.
The Monkey Urine offering is the cheapest at $15 and is different from the other three products. While the others provide you with liquid urine, the Monkey Urine kit contains dehydrated piss that reacts and feels like the real thing when you follow the directions. It is chemically similar to real pee and is stable for up to 12 months when left in dry form.
To use the Monkey Urine, mix it with water, and it will turn into the fake piss you need to fool the drug screen. Once you have mixed the powder, it will remain usable for around 24 hours. There is around 80-90 ml of fake urine when it is mixed.
Where to Buy Serious Monkey Business Synthetic Urine
The best place to buy Serious Monkey Business synthetic urine is on the Monkey Business official site. Once you click on the link we just added, you get brought to the home page where you can view the list of products. The prices are already reasonable, but you should be able to find Serious Monkey Business coupon codes easily enough; they can save you 10-15% depending on the coupon.
I don’t recommend purchasing these products from any third-party website because you’re not 100% sure whether you will get the real Serious Monkey Business products or low-grade knock-offs. It is not worth risking your job by trying to save a few bucks.
My Personal Experience with Serious Monkey Business
There is a science to creating high-quality synthetic urine, and Serious Monkey Business is dedicated to producing piss capable of beating a drug screening. I enjoy a few tokes of marijuana, although I am not a heavy user. I had been out of work for a while and was called in for a few interviews.
One day, I got a call saying I had been selected for a second interview. It was a well-paid job, but there was a catch: I would also have to submit to what was termed a ‘standard test.’ Even worse, the interview was in three days. While I am a casual weed user, I had smoked some the day before and knew there was little chance of passing a drug screening without ‘assistance.’
There are a million detox drinks out there, but I have always believed that fake piss was the best way to pass a screening. Therefore, this brand review was out of necessity because I needed to know if Serious Monkey Business could help with drug testing.
I chose the Monkey Whizz kit and was delighted when it arrived the day after I ordered it. As promised, there was no sign of the brand’s name on the package or credit card transaction. Following the instructions, as I outlined in the product descriptions was as easy as could be. The fake urine heated up to the right temperature in around 50 minutes. I waited until the urine reached 97 degrees.
Luckily, it was an unsupervised test, so draining the piss into the little cup was pretty simple. I was also able to prevent my hand from trembling, which would have spilled the urine everywhere! As I now have the job, you can guess what happened.
The Final Verdict on Serious Monkey Business
It is a crying shame that we can still lose or fail to get a job because we smoked some marijuana on our weekend off. That is the sad reality facing countless individuals, and until something is done about this ridiculous state of affairs, we must rely on companies like Serious Monkey Business and its synthetic urine.
Even though Serious Monkey Business says its kits are for novelty use, there is no doubt that it can help people facing the dreaded drug screening. No matter which product you choose, it is essential that you follow instructions to the letter. Regardless of the quality of the synthetic piss, it won’t fool the drug test if it isn’t close to your body’s natural temperature.
Unfortunately, drug screenings are becoming more sophisticated, and some labs won’t be fooled irrespective of how ‘real’ your fake piss looks. The best testers can even spot synthetic urine by smelling it! I am also duty-bound to inform you that fake piss is illegal in Indiana and New Hampshire, so if you reside in one of these states, you are risking more than a job!
Overall, Serious Monkey Business is one of the best providers of fake piss on the market. It delivers your package quickly and discreetly, and a lot of work has gone into designing the products, and the piss itself. The urine has the right amount of uric acid, not to mention the right color, level of foaming, specific gravity, creatinine, and pH.
The brand has been in business for more than 15 years and has a proven track record. However, it would be folly to claim a guarantee of success, so as always, I have to remind you that you use Serious Monkey Bizzness products at your own risk.